Making friends is hard. Or is it just me?
Several months ago, I had connected with a couple of women I had only considered acquaintances. Both women mentioned, on separate occasions, that they thought I already had several friends. One mentioned she wanted to “get her foot in the door” with my friend group. The other mentioned that she didn’t want to bother me. She thought I wouldn’t have time for her. I began to realize that making friends is hard and it’s not just me.
The things is, I don’t have a large group of friends. I had often thought the same thing about both of these ladies. I wished I could be good friends with them or be “in” with their groups. But I had been too afraid to pursue a friendship. I worried that I would be a bother to them or that my request for a play date would be annoying.
I think many of us are in the same boat and don’t even realize it. We want friends, but are too afraid to pursue them. We fear rejection or fear being an inconvenience to others. Fear is not from the Lord, ladies (2 Timothy 1:7) and I am slowly — very slowly — learning to apply this truth to my relationship with my sisters in Christ.
We don’t have to be lonely.
We are not meant to do life on our own. We’re meant to do life with Christ and with His church. And what is His church? Or rather, who is His church? His church is people. And God’s church is full of lonely ladies just like me (and just like you?) struggling to connect with other women.
Ladies, we don’t have to be lonely. Look around you and I’m sure you’ll see someone who’d you like to be friends with. Not just someone to be a casual acquaintance with, but someone to be a genuine lets-do-life-together-friend with. And you know what? She’s probably looking for the same thing.
So step out. Be brave.
Ask her to coffee. Invite her over to can tomatoes with you, or bake cookies, or scrapbook, or fold laundry…. Or whatever it is you do. Invite her into your life.
It’s doubtful she already has too many friends. It’s doubtful that you will be a bother. If she says no thank you, no big deal. Ask another gal. Just don’t stop pursuing friendship.
The two ladies I reconnected with aren’t my best friends yet, but they are certainly more than acquaintances. They are my friends. We’ve invited each other into our lives. We share with each other. Not just the picture perfect stuff, but the less than perfect stuff. The boring stuff. The hard stuff. The bad stuff. The I-desperately-need-prayer stuff.
I am still learning to be a good friend. I’m still learning to brave enough to reach out to potential friends. It can be awkward, but I don’t want to let that stop me. I won’t give up on this pursuit of true friendship. Because I believe there is joy to be found there. And I want to experience it. Don’t you?
Do you struggle to make friends? What are your biggest fears and worries? Or are you someone who has learned to make friends? Do you have any encouragement for the rest of us? Please let me know your thoughts on making friends by leaving a comment. You can also email me.
Only by grace,
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