I Hate Him Because He First Hated Me

by Buife Nomeh

TourofTestimoniesSQWhile I was busy minding my own business; living life as I best knew how, God came and swept me off my feet. I fell hard and fast onto His palms. Never could I have thought that I’ll become this; this … born again. But it happened.

Life before now wasn’t quite eventful (except the demise of my dad, and the betrayals that followed). All in all though, I was that person that didn’t quite leave an impression, whatsoever.

The events that followed my conversion, nonetheless, are truly what you’d call eventful.

Becoming a born again christian was supposed to mean freedom, right? But it wasn’t 100% so in my case. I fought; I battled depression and anger; mood swings and tears were my tea with honey and, there seemed to be no end.

Every other few months, I would be the subject of another “prayer conference”. I felt pitied (and I hated being pitied — it was a sign of weakness; how I hated being weak!) My friends would intercede until that phase was over. And, just as soon as I begin to think that I was free at last; I’d won; another attack comes. I wondered, why was my christianity different? Why aren’t I free indeed?

I would have terrible dreams; sometimes, I’d either be fighting with someone, running away from another or from a death trap. Anytime I woke from such dreams, it would be obvious that I hadn’t slept nor rested — I would be weak in my body and ache all over. Once, I dreamt where a car I was in wanted to fall into a ditch because another vehicle had developed a fault and was stuck in the middle of a very narrow road (we plied this road to and fro the hospital for our clinical experiences).

I prayed with my friends/roommates and together, we nullified that dream. But, if you know the devil, he doesn’t back down without a fight. As I was coming back from the hospital that evening, a vehicle that was faulty was packed in the middle of the road — at that exact point I had seen in my dream (only I had completely forgotten about the dream).

The driver of the big bus we were in wanted to squeeze the bus through, after the smaller vehicles. It got to a point the people I was in the bus with – mostly hospital staff – began shouting, “Driver, stop! You’ll kill somebody oo.” When he wouldn’t listen, they shouted all the more. That’s when he stopped. We got down one after the other.

As I stepped down, I couldn’t believe how much we were close to falling into that deep ditch with tree branches that would kill someone even before we got to the base. Like a flashback, I recalled my dream.

I wondered why the devil hated me so much; it wasn’t enough for him that I couldn’t seem to deal with the depression and anger that consumed me; now he wanted me dead (even if it meant killing over 30 other people). I hated him!

Just as much as I hated the devil, I tried so hard to love Jesus and follow him wholeheartedly; but when that didn’t seem like it would work, I quit.

You know that time Jesus said if a demon is sent packing from a man, he’d go to and fro, searching for a new house; if he comes back and finds his initial house empty, he’d get 7 demons, more wicked than he is (that makes 8 dearly wicked demons) and they will occupy that body. Well, let’s just say; that scripture is very true. (You can find it here: Matthew 12:43-45)

After I quit, 8 demons troubled me. You think I was depressed before? Meet Mr depression himself! It was crazy. The devil truly wanted to make me mad. Sometimes, I wished Jesus had left me to continue with my business – living life as I knew best.

But He didn’t; He wouldn’t; because, according to Him, my life is His business. He sought me, pursued, and simply refused to take no for an answer. I reasoned, if I let Him in, again, and this battle doesn’t stop; then I’ll quit, and 8 demons will each gather 7 more wicked demons than they are — that would mean 56 demons (yes, I actually did the math!) Lord, no way; I’m done.

But God knew He didn’t create a failure. He knew He had not recreated a quitter; and, He certainly knew He wasn’t about to let His precious investment go to waste.

“Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own, you were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. …”I Corinthians 6:19-20, Amp.

So, He fought on till He won!

Then he came again, that old adversary — the devil. This time, he struck hard and hot, but it was all in vain. My Father’s peace had enveloped me.

The pain was there, but the joy was more real. God had taught my heart to love Him and to let myself bask in His love. So, while the devil roared, God was using it to mould and build me up. The point came when God said to the devil, “Shut up!” and he did! Halleluiah!!!

Through the turmoil that God intentionally let me pass through again, He was making me into who He wanted me to be. I started writing my blog – just sharing my heart and the Love in it, and asking others; daring them to come on board this fantastic holy voyage.

When I was minding my business, God knew that wasn’t the business He created me to mind; so, He saved me and brought me into destiny; the purpose for which He made me in the first place. He has since been making Himself known through the mess I went through; and, I couldn’t ask for anything better — except to say: more of Him!

[P.S: I keep telling my story in bits and pieces because, if I were to write about the whole ordeal, it would make a book — and maybe I would someday. But for now, I encourage you to click on the links in this post to read some of the other bits; maybe then, you’ll gain a better understanding of the battle God fought for me (and that He keeps fighting for me); and, why I completely hate the devil — he first hated me].

About Buife

116df7c0-50c0-4bc0-9a1c-ebfc16e12e29Buife is a christian entrepreneur and coach (plus: a daughter, sister and friend). She writes/speaks to inspire, encourage and dare people to cultivate and build a relationship with God. This is because she believes that whatever good; whatever success people seek from life is attainable if, and only if, they are in league with Him.

Connect :: Blog :: Twitter :: Facebook :: Bloglovin :: Google+



 

 

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: